Lately

Things have been pretty good lately. I must say I am quite in love . It really does scare me. It is a vulnerable position. Trusting is difficult. Things have been going well at home. Work is probably my biggest stress currently. I plan to get that under control. I have a lot of aspirations for my life. The drive to become an actress seems to be overcoming me and it is getting to me emotionally. Why can't my life just be how I want it to be? Why do I feel like this? I just can't figure it out. I just want to know what my next step is....

Today

I don't really know how I feel today. Very reflective of my inner self. I love me and I should be happy to let everyone really know me. I'm sick of hiding. I have housework to do so I can't reflect all day....

Down

So this week has felt like a really rough week for me. Money is tight. I feel very alone. The kids are stressing me. I just feel so stressed and fearful of what next? So the ex texted me and asked when he will see the kids again. I explained that he was acting irrational and still refused to pay any child support that I wasn't comfortable with him seeing them. Oh of course he flipped out after that! He said that I need to see a doctor for my "issues" and that I needed to stop telling my daughter that it's ok to be gay because it's not. What an ignorant idiot!! This is exactly why people kill themselves. (Not that I'm going to) but I get the stress of always being put down for how you are. To top it all off I have been completely exhausted this week!

First blog post for me. There has been so much going on in my life that I really don't know where to begin. I'm feel like I'm at a complete stand still in life. I seperated from my husband over a year ago, but still am not legally divorced. I have realized that I should never have married him. I was married at 17 and a month later found out that I am attracted to girls. Fourteen years later I still don't have an identification for myself. I hate the term bisexual and honestly I don't know that I'd ever be with another man outside the relationship I am currently in. I feel like this is all adding undue stress in a time of my life that I am completely overwhelmed. I get no childsupport, my work is slowing and I'm concerned about money. I am raising a special needs child and a preteen girl. I've started this blog because I feel as if there is no one that I can truly just sit down and talk to day to day. I want to let the people that I care about know more about me and I would love to live a more open life. I feel very hindered and not myself. I see myself as a very outgoing, eccentric, friendly person and I know that is not the person I am currently exuding. At some point I hope to advertise this blog to people I care about, but until then I will use this blog to help get it out.